How to Crack Open a Sticky Mindset

3 ways to shift your beliefs and get to the good stuff

The other night, I was alone in the house trying to crack open a stubborn jar of peanut butter (nectar of the gods). I tapped the lid, gave it a twist, and there it was - success.

I chuckled to myself, “If only shifting my internalised mindsets was that easy.” (or I might have thought of that one in hindsight. Either way, great analogy.)

Mindset friction is caused by those quiet, limiting beliefs that slow us down even when everything on paper says we’re ready to go. Like a rusty chain on a bike or the lid on that jar, it doesn’t look like a big deal… but the friction keeps us from getting to the good stuff; the progress we want to make.

For a lot of women, it sounds like:

“I don’t want to be too much.”
“I’ll go for it when I feel more ready.”
“If I get it wrong, they’ll think I’m not cut out for this.”

Quiet thoughts with a big impact. Over time, they can wear down our confidence and stall us from taking the action necessary to progress toward our most deeply desired goals.

But our beliefs don’t have to be fixed. They’re simply habits of thought - and with the right tools, you can reshape them over time. Like tapping the lid, you can disrupt the seal and start to move forward… to get your peanut butter prize.

Here are three research backed strategies to reduce your internal resistance and build real traction.

1. Start From Your Values

“Stand for something or you will fall for anything,” said Rosa Park, American civil rights activist.

Sometimes we stay stuck because we get lost in the business of needing to be liked, good, or perfect. But values-based action is about anchoring to your principles - the things that truly matter to you - instead of letting fear, people-pleasing, or perfectionism run the show.

Let’s say your manager makes a flippant remark that reinforces an old stereotype. Do you freeze? Rage internally? Laugh it off because you don’t want to be rude?

Look to your values. Even if you’re not sure what to say yet, grounding yourself in what you stand for keeps you steady, professional, and self-respecting… especially if other people around you aren't. Our goal here is to stay rooted, instead of reacting to everything going on around us.

Empiria Reframes:

“What do I care about most here?”

“How can my values guide me in my response?”

“If I wasn’t trying to be liked, what would I do?”

2.. Coach Yourself With Compassion (not Criticism)

“Self-compassion gives us the courage to fail. And try again.” Dr. Kristin Neff

Think of self-compassion like mental strength-training. It gives you the resilience to stay in the arena. You don’t need another voice in your head tearing you down. You need a coach who’s kind, grounded, and clear-eyed. And that coach can be you.

Treating yourself with care is the mark of wisdom. A wise woman understands that we best contribute to the world from a secure, steady foundation.

Be careful about what you say to yourself in your head. Words of encouragement will help you keep going when you might normally spiral or quit. Being harsh on yourself will not. When you gently remind yourself that you’re human and you’re learning, the next step doesn’t seem so overwhelming. Being kind to yourself is strategy, not softness.

Empiria Reframes:

“I’m allowed to mess up. I’m also allowed to try again.”

“This is hard. But I’ve done hard things before.”

“What would I say to a friend who’s struggling with this?”

3. Know How To Change Your Mind

“I’m not ready” is a thought. Not a fact.

Our brains are brilliant… but they’re also risk-averse. They’re wired to keep us safe, which means we often overestimate what could go wrong and underestimate what we’re capable of.

Especially for women, years of subtle messaging can lead to inner narratives like:

“I’m not qualified.”
“What if I say the wrong thing?”
“They’ll think I’m full of myself.”

But what if we channeled our mental energy to focus on our potential instead? On what could go right if we only took the risk?

Cognitive reframing is the gold standard strategy from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It helps you spot unhelpful thoughts, question them, and choose a more constructive narrative.

Every time you intentionally reframe a limiting thought, you’re taking a step back from a doom spiral into rumination. It’s about building psychological flexibility - your ability to navigate uncertainty, adapt, and keep moving even when it’s a bit uncomfortable.

Empiria Reframes:

“If I wait until I feel fully qualified, I’ll miss every opportunity that could help me become more qualified.”

“When I speak with care and curiosity, I’m already doing better than most.”

“I’m not here to be small—I’m here to contribute something meaningful.”

The most sustainable growth comes when we act from a place of clarity and alignment. These three strategies - self-compassion, values-based action, and cognitive reframing - are lifelong skills that help you combat the quiet friction and build real momentum.

Our prize here isn’t just the peanut butter. It’s the freedom to move forward with purpose.